Today work was rough. It was so rough that when I got home and turned on my computer and logged onto my blog I was filled with mixed emotions to what I saw. The next few weeks are crutial to wedding planning and the fact that there is only 6 more months to plan because I need to get things decided and things booked, but the event that occurred this morning at work causes me to be frustrated and sad and unwilling to want to plan any happy events out of guilt and sadness of what occurred today.
This morning I had a client pass away. When I took this job 2 years ago, I always knew it was a possibity that one of my clients could pass away while I was working there...I mean you never really know with brain injuries. The past two years have been filled with ups and downs in the medical area of my job, but nothing life threatening. I knew it could happen, but I figured I would be long gone by then, just calling to check in on them 15 years down the road and then find out that one had passed. She was so young. There were no signs or warning flags or any big booming voices shouting that the last week was her last week. I know that isn't how it always happens....people don't always have a warning on when they are going to die, but with all that she has been through and that her family has been through, it was something we all hoped we would get. Time to have closer and time to cope with the idea that she could be dying. Not 5 minutes after arriving for a shift after only waking up 45 minutes before.
What I need to know now is how to deal with this. How to help my staff deal with this. Where to go from here. I am unsure who reads my blog, but please whoever comes upon this, please send me your prayers. I will need them in the next couple months to cope with this death and to be able to not feel guilty when smiling or laughing so soon after and to be able to have joy in these last minute planning things for the happiest day of my life.
1 comment:
This sounds like a very hard situation to be in. I think that for your own sake and for the sake of your patients family, you have to not have that guilt to move on. I am thinking of you and your difficult time ahead. Enjoy that you are able to plan your wedding. Enjoy that you are marrying someone who can support you through these tough times! Rely on your family and friends through this and you will start to feel better and uplifted. Do not feel guilty Kristin. I'm sure its not what she would've wanted. Take care and take deep breaths. Hug, squeeze, and kiss everyone you love a little bit more than normal.
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