Lately I have been very unsure about my life. I use to love everyday of it, don't get me wrong there are still WAY more positives than negatives, but lately only the negatives are rising to the top.
I can't post about the details of my job, but what I want to know is have any of you worked in the field of mental illness/brain injuries? How do you deal with something that happens at work that scares you? When you fear for the serious safety of someone, of yourself, and how do you shake it off when it happens at the beginning of your shift? I think I can do it, just give me 5 minutes to re-coop, but today after 3 days of madness, I am emotionally and physically torn.
I have so much in my head that I am questioning that I don't even know where to begin and I can't really find the words for it. I have always struggled with this job, but it seems to be rewarding in the long run and I like helping people that NEED someone to help them.
Usually when I get to the point of giving up on a job, or rather moving on from the job, I want to leave. Right now I don't want to leave, but I have never had this much trouble with my life. I am afraid of this. This job consumes my days, nights, my day dreams, my dreams in general, and even when i was in AZ I was thinking about my clients! I have tried so many different things to prevent myself from becoming involved in their lives on a personal nature and I feel like I am constantly reminding myself of the brain injury, not me, BUT the words don't make a difference. I can't get my heart/mind to believe what my voice is saying. I mean I guess I do believe it, but I can't get my heart/mind to not be effected by it. Does that make sense?
I guess I just don't know what to do and I don't like being this open, but I thought, hey maybe it will help...we'll see.
2 comments:
I'm sorry your life is so stressful right now. You do know what I'm going to say right? Come back to Subway! :-) Even though I'm leaving very soon, sadly.
I hope this week is better for you.
I was just talking with a woman in my small group this weekend about this. (people that work with those with mental illnesses) We both agreed it would be a job for someone very special and gifted, as you are right Kristen...it feels all-consuming at times. Your job is SO important; I've wondered before if I could take on such a job. Anyways, I'm not sure what their illnesses are (psychotic nature? or not?)
The friend I talked to about this was speaking about those more psychotic natured, which we both agreed is/could be very closely connected to the spiritual world. If that is truly the case, your job is bigger than anyone could imagine. Pray for them, pray for yourself as you walk into work, pray for God to "win" these spiritual battles happening...I'll be praying for you too, as you decide if this is really the job for you.
Thanks for being so loving and dedicated to these people - they truly do need people like you.
(sorry this got so much longer than I planned!) :)
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