Faithless

This is how I have been feeling the last few days. For the last 1.2 years I have had faith. Faith that something I had SO much control over for 6 years would just take control of itself again in no time flat. I spoke to someone about it in February and she told me to have faith. It can take time she said. Faith is really the word she used. And I am going to use it now, well sort of. I have become faithless in this situation. I can't control it and I hate it. The worst part about the faith comment is that I was told to have faith until Christmas and then to come back if I needed "a faith refill". It's October, almost Halloween, almost Thanksgiving, and almost Christmas. I don't have faith now. I need my refill now. I'm a week late and 3 weeks past a smiley face and am still forced to realize that the faith I have been having is seemingly pointless as of yet. Sure, false negative, but that would take faith to believe that's the case. I suppose having the smiley face should give me faith, and it did, until the negative results I saw. It wouldn't be so hard to have faith if I could continue looking for a smiley face, but then I need to wait until day 6 and I can't have a day 6 without a day 1. Every other month, then 45 days, then 30 days, and now what? I don't know! 30 days has come and gone and nothing. I am so SICK of this. So frustrated with "having faith". Is it Christmas yet?